Healing broken trust is one of the most popular topics we work on with our clients. It is that the trust arrives on foot and leaves on horseback, which means that it is very easy to break. Establishing trust and relationships takes a long time and can be undone in a moment, so many people come to us asking about how to heal broken trust so that they can save their relationship.
Broken trust is one of the things that devours relationships the most, so it is great that you are already going out of your way to find information on how to fix the situation!
In today’s article I’m going to go over how to fix broken trust, the solutions that are available to you, and what you can do to prevent broken trust in the future.
Whether you are trying to protect your relationship from a break up or if you and your partner have already separated, you will find information on how to navigate through this situation and restore the love and trust that once existed between you.
When trust is broken, you have to learn from your mistakes
If trust is broken in your relationship, it is important to understand that your willingness to rebuild the trust will determine your odds of success. If neither of you are willing to work towards rebuilding the trust between you, the relationship will have a very tough time surviving.
The first thing to take in consideration is how are your significant other (or ex) is feeling right now. If trust has been broken and they tell you that they need some space from you, you need to make sure you are giving them space.
If you beg plead for forgiveness, they can easily end up feeling pressured and suffocated. If this person starts to feel cornered, they might push you away even more.
To start by giving your significant other some space, and in doing so you will be able to take a step back to make a stronger comeback.
Or she needs to understand that you respect them fully, especially because they will not trust a person who does not respect them.
I know that you are feeling stressed out by the situation and scared at the prospect of losing the person that you love, but you must always think about how your actions and behavior affects them, especially when it comes to rebuilding trust!
This person will need time to digest the situation, analyze the situation and how they feel about everything. This doesn’t mean that you can’t do things that will have a positive impact on the situation. Give them a chance to let their wounds heal while you work on healing yours.
Like any wound, the trust in this relationship needs time to heal. If you keep picking at it, you’re not going to give it the chance to actually heal.
So let’s make sure that we don’t let this scar!
While you’re giving your significant other the space they need, you need to take some time to analyze howe exactly the trust between you broke. Was it something that developed over time or was it because of something specific? Did you go through their phone or their emails?
Did the trust break because one of you cheated on the other? Did your insecurities get the best of you and make you do something that caused these tensions in the relationship?
When trust is broken, the fact of the matter is that you have to identify what happened if you want to fix it. About the specific actions caused the trust to break, but Make sure you analyze what exactly happened to bring you to that situation.
Make sure that you are very honest with yourself in this process. If you broke his or her trust by going through their messages, then you have to ask yourself what brought you to do this.
Did someone else hurt you the past and are you making your partner pay the price for someone else’s mistakes? Or did your partner do something that made you suspicious and therefore lose trust?
More often than not, when it comes to breaking trust, it has more to do with our relationship with ourselves than our relationship with our partners. We go through their things we because we are afraid that we aren’t up to snuff and that they could find someone better. So many times, broken trust is rooted in a lack of self confidence.
I was recently working with Annalisa on how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship and she was telling me that she had gone through her boyfriend’s text messages because she was terrified of being proven right about her suspicions.
Her suspicions that he was being unfaithful to her were stemming from a wound from a previous relationship in which her ex cheated on her, and she was so worried that her current boyfriend was going to do the same.
He caught her looking through his phone trying to see if anything was going on between him and his coworker, because she wanted to protect herself against the pain of the disappointment she was worried she’d feel if it turned out that her suspicions were right.
She didn’t find anything, but the relationship suffered because the trust was broken. So she needed to work on developing solutions for her insecurities in the relationship that stemmed from her past relationship.
When trust is broken in a relationship, there needs to be change
If your significant other is the person who broke the trust in the relationship, you need to ask yourself if they are willing to look at who they are, if they’re willing to reassess their values, and whether or not they’re willing to do what it takes to heal the broken trust.
You are only in control of your own emotions and you can’t control your partners actions. Unfortunately, here she is not willing to make the effort to heal the broken trust between you, there’s not much you can do.
If you are the one who broke the trust, then you need to focus on concrete actions that will lead to long-term solutions while you give your partner space.
So, what happens once you have pinpointed the root cause of the broken trust and have implemented the solutions required? The next S of communicating the fact that you’ve understood the problem and have made changes to your partner. They need to trust you and believe that the changes are real.
That’s why it’s so important to Focus on concrete actions and be very careful about avoiding making empty promises. I know that it’s tempting to tell the person you love that you will do anything to make things right again, but words aren’t enough to fix broken trust. Your partner is going to need to see tangible evidence that you are making long-term changes. When trust is broken, your partner is going to be skeptical so you need to make sure that you don’t give them reason to doubt to you.
When you begin to talk to you significant other about the solutions you been implementing, don’t be afraid to use concrete examples from your relationship. Tell him or her that you recognized the specific problem and explain the solution you can provide. Tell this person about the changes you have been making because you’ve understood what needed to happen. Be careful to avoid things that could sound like empty promises.
“I swear I’ll change!”
“I promise that will never happen again because I’ll be different…”
We want your ex to come to the conclusion that you have involved and made the necessary changes on their own. If you try to concretely tell your ex that things will change even though they haven’t, it’s going to paint you in a negative light. That said, if they can observe you and your own life behaving in different, more productive ways, they will come to the conclusion that’s things could be better between you in the future.
Broken trust in marriage and relationships can be healed when you develop new patterns. The more you do something, the more your partner will begin to trust that this is how things will stay – so make sure that you’re developing positive patterns that restore their faith in you.
Let them know that the issues you faced with this broken trust motivated you to change and become better. Show them that this situation can actually be a blessing in disguise because it highlighted what you needed to change and pushed you to change it.
If you two are separated, then use this conversation as a means to Open up communication again. Let them know you feel more connected to yourself now and would love to have an opportunity to see them face-to-face and show them everything you’ve been working on since the breakup, and to see how they have been doing.
When you are working on healing broken trust, this is a good way to approach this situation without making your ex feel to pressured and without making you feel too vulnerable.
How to repair a relationship when trust is broken: Choosing forgiveness
If you truly want to hear broken broken, you have to decide to forgive or to be forgiven. Now is the time to make a conscious decision to love by letting go of the past.
Again, it’s all about mindset so be open to growth. If you want your relationship to grow, you must lead by example! If you want your partner to evolve, you have to show them how to do it.
Be open and honest about what you really want, and let your significant other do the same. Trust often brakes because one of the two of you is too afraid to really be themselves and share what is on their mind.
So take this opportunity to really think about what lead up to the trust being broken, what you can do about it, and how you can communicate it to your partner in a productive way.
I have gone over some general information in this article, but I know that every situation is unique. If you have questions about your specific situation, please don’t hesitate to write your question in the comment section below. You can also get in touch with me or member of my team for tailored advice that will help you reach your goals as possible. Join the Happily Committed Project Learning how to transform your relationship and helping it reach its full potential.
We are here to help you every step of the way.
Wishing you all the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to fix broken trust