A little bit of space and room to breathe in a relationship is always healthy, but when long periods of space don’t do anything to bring you closer together, there is a problem. For example, let’s say that your spouse goes away on long business trips and the sense of relief you feel when he or she is not around is palpable. When they return, tensions seem to be higher than ever, you don’t feel like you missed each other, and it feels like both of you are frustrated to be back in the same place as the other. If this is happening, then you’re looking at one of the signs of a broken marriage. Time apart should actually serve as a way to bring you closer together by allowing you to miss each other and have things that you want to share when you reunite. Pay attention to how it feels when you reunite after an extended period of time. Things should not feel the same or even worse than before.
If this is not the case, you’ll notice that your significant other is no longer afraid of losing you when you pull away for a long period of time.
When a marriage is over, tempers are out of control
Another sign a marriage is ending is when neither person in the relationship is able to control their temper around each other. If you two keep ending up in explosive fights on a regular basis, especially if it’s over trivial things, it might be a sign that your relationship is beyond repair.
Incessant fighting creates a hostile environment which makes it very hard to find solutions and be loving towards one another. In addition to this, constant fighting comes from an inability to relate or empathize with your partner, and this can make you drift even further apart.
The more a person feels attacked, the more their defenses will go up and can find yourself in a negative spiral. Little things can get blown out of proportion because someone is already feeling defensive, which of course leads to even more fights. A simple thing like asking if the dishes are clean could be interpreted as critique of how much person helps around the house and it can spiral into a full blown argument… all because the person’s finger was already on the trigger.
How you know your marriage is over: The future doesn’t excite you
As I briefly mentioned above, a marriage is ending when a person thinks about the future and continuing to live their life with this person, and feels depressed. When you feel trapped, uninspired, or even oppressed by this marriage, it means that there is a serious problem.
A marriage with someone is supposed to excite you and make you feel happy when you think about the future with them. People in failing marriages will often feel like they’re condemned to spend the rest of their life with this person. Keep in mind that it’s normal to feel frustrated sometimes in marriages because of the inevitable challenges, but if this feels like a permanent emotion, it means that something has to change.
Another sign your marriage is ending is when you fantasize about being free of your partner or even living your life with somebody else. If you feel more excited or more at peace at the prospect of being free of your partner for the rest of your life than remaining in this marriage, then it could be time for a divorce.
How to know when it’s time to divorce: You’re done trying
One of the clearest indicators that a marriage is over is when you just don’t want to try anymore. If you feel like you’ve already done everything you could possibly do, you’ve tried everything you could possibly try, and you just don’t have it in you to keep fighting for this relationship, it means that it’s probably time to let go.
The thought of trying to remain with this person exhausts you and makes you feel heavy and burdened. You can’t seem to find a reason to continue to try to make it work, you feel taken for granted, and you don’t feel like it’s worth it anymore.
Many people feel like this after they’ve made a valiant effort to try and save a relationship and feel like no matter what they do, it’s never enough. When you feel disheartened and discouraged, and no longer feel a sense of hope for the future despite everything you’ve tried, you might find yourself thinking, “My marriage is over and I think I’ve come to terms with the idea of letting it go.”
It is very important to listen to your gut feeling and to take the time to determine what is the best course of action would be for you. That said, if you don’t want it, then divorce is not the only option…
The biggest signs your marriage is in trouble
As this article begins to near its end, I just want to summarize all of these points for you so that you can really take in this information. I want to give you all the tools that will help you diagnose the state of your marriage.
So if you’ve been wondering how to tell when your marriage is over, pay attention to whether one or both of you are always trying to level the playing board or seek revenge on each other.
Do you feel like you are in a permanent state of isolation in this relationship? Does it feel like your marriage is just a project that needs to be completed or a problem that needs to be solved?
A marriage is in a crisis when one partner consistently refuses to try and understand the other person’s thoughts, feelings and desires. Every argument turns into a blame game and past mistakes are constantly being brought up. One or both partners stop seeing any good at praiseworthy character traits in the other person, and they stop taking responsibility for the dysfunction of the relationship.
A marriage is in trouble when it seems like the negative memories have covered up all of the positive ones, and resentment seems to have taken precedent.
A relationship can be on the brink of divorce when the friendship between you and your partner has completely disappeared, when a partner consistently seeks to fulfill their own needs of the other’s expense, and when long periods of time apart don’t bring you closer together. Neither of you can control your tempers around each other and the idea of a future with this person makes you feel depressed.
At the end of the day, the biggest indicator that your marriage is over is when neither if you want to try to save it anymore.
The thing I want to stress is that when a relationship or a marriage is truly over, you will know when the time has come. If you can honestly say that you have done everything in your power to make it work and there just seems to be no signs of improvement, it is time to detach and face your feelings. It is possible to face your fears about losing control while getting in control of yourself and your responsibilities.
If you can free others to be who they are, then you will set yourself free as well.
Seeing signs your marriage is over: What to do if you want change
Though you may have recognize many of the signs that your marriage is failing, I do want to remind you that in many cases, it is possible to change the situation. Anything is possible in love, if you’re willing to put forth the effort.
When a relationship is in a crisis, it is important to remember that when we are dealing with human beings, who throughout time have made it clear that they are creatures of logic. We are creatures of emotion who are often blinded by prejudices, egos, pride and vanity. There is emotional baggage to take into consideration from your current relationship, but also past relationships.
This is why it’s so important to control your temper. It is all too easy to let your emotions run wild, especially when things have been tense for quite some time.
Keep in mind that people tend criticize their spouses most loudly in the areas in which they have the deepest emotional needs. Generally speaking, men and women have different emotional needs in the relationship and it’s easy to neglect these things (especially if you are unaware of them). For example, to not be needed is a slow death for man, and a marriage can be doomed the moment a husband feels that he is no longer needed by his spouse. If a woman is afraid of not being emotionally supported, she can unknowingly push away the support that she needs from her spouse. We are all governed by our emotions to a certain extent, but we can all learn how to keep our emotions from taking control and we can adapt our behavior and reactions in order for our relationships to reach their full potential.
Let’s work together if you fear your marriage is over
If your goal is to repair your relationship and restore it to its former glory, or if you want to learn how to bounce back after letting this marriage go, all you have to do is get in touch with us.
If you have decided to turn the page and move on from this marriage, I encourage you to download our product that has been specifically designed to help you move on from a marriage with grace and dignity. To access it, all you have to do is click here.
Join The Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship before it’s too late or let us help you heal and move forward with your life in a dignified and meaningful way. Together we can work on reaching your goal by providing you with a clear-cut action plan that has been tailor-made to fit your relationship, your situation, and your specific needs. As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts, we are here to guide you from a to Z and answer all of your questions.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re looking for signs your marriage is over