One of the most common questions people that reach out to me has to do with stubborn love. They want to know what to do when you’re dealing with a stubborn partner. If you have been with someone for a very long time, you probably think that they are stubborn as well, and this is totally normal!
People naturally get caught up in their own frame of reference, their own ways of seeing things, their own ways of thinking, and their own ways of viewing the world, so it becomes harder and harder to relate to your significant other.
This is when people begin to struggle with empathizing and putting themselves in their partner’s shoes. So if you have been called stubborn, or if you think that you are in a committed relationship with a stubborn person, is there anything you can do? How can you have a breakthrough moment and start to pull in the same direction again?
I am glad you asked because that is what today’s article is going to be about! I have some surefire solutions for you that are going to help your relationship thrive like never before. So let’s get started.
Stubborn love: Putting things into perspective
The first question I ask my clients in this situation is this. Is it better to be right, or is it better to be loved?” That is a question that you need to reflect on and analyze because most of the time people that insist on being right all the time tend to push their significant other away.
It is important to remember that unity in a relationship is more important than always having the last word.
You want to create a loving and nurturing environment in your relationship, so one of the things that I have told many of my clients over the years is to stop focusing on winning every argument because that is not what is important here.
If you’re struggling with stubborn love and you or your partner (or both of you) are so headstrong that it’s actually damaging your relationship, you will need to change your approach. It is about building happiness together, and that should be the goal.
Build connection when you or your partner is stubborn
Building a connection between you and your significant other is how you are going to strengthen your relationship. It’s not uncommon for people who are struggling with stubbornness to focus on the fighting and the bickering, but this will actually just pull them apart.
They’ll zero in on each others’ shortcomings instead of working on rebuilding moments that bring them closer together.
As easy as it is to focus on whatever stubborn behavior that is plaguing your relationship, it is important to focus on the future and making it better. It is in both of your powers to choose what you will focus on and give your energy to.
Focusing on operating as a team and moving past the negative actions will help you to make change. Try to be the person that inspires change. Try to focus on the good and to build a connection with the person that you love!
Relationships is about understanding each other
What is really boils down to is this. All relationships are about understanding your significant other’s wants, needs, and desires. The need to empathize and relate to your partner is paramount, whether you are at fault or they are!
Communication techniques can also help you to reconnect and shift the dynamic in your relationship. To learn some of the best couple’s communication exercises, I encourage you to click here.
If you are unable to see things from their point of reference, it is going to be very difficult to rebuild a healthy connection.
This is why we work with our clients to help them distinguish between non-negotiables and things that you can let go of. It is so important to learn how to distinguish between your core values and the small stuff! It could be making the bed in the morning, putting the dishes away, or not leaving their shoes by the door.
The thing is, when we are in committed relationships, we begin to focus on the small stuff but none of these things are non-negotiable, core-values. When you do talk to your partner about the things that are important to you, approach them without going into attack mode.
An easy tool is avoiding using the word “You.” Notice the difference between “You always choose your own things over doing things with me” and “I miss spending time with you.”
Many people use “You” in an aggressive way that makes their partner put walls up, which in turn blocks them from wanting to work together to find solutions. But if you can break through stubborn behavior by working on joint solutions to common problems, this is the key.
Finding solutions for stubborn love
At the end of the day, it all boils down to knowing how to pick your battles so that you can identify the real problems and work as a team to overcome them. It becomes very hard to create a fulfilling relationship when one or both of you is fixating on the small stuff.
I know that each situation is different and you probably have questions about your individual relationship, so please don’t hesitate to reach out. By working with me or a member of my team, we can ask you targeted questions that will allow us to create a customized action plan for you. To work with us, just click here.
To summarize what we’ve gone over in this article,
1. The most important thing is to create a loving and nurturing environment in your relationship
2. Focus on building connection in order to not let the tension overwhelm the relationship
3. All relationships are about understanding our partners’ wants and needs
4. Define your non-negotiables
5. Pick your battles wisely
Now, sometimes stubbornness in a relationship comes from deeper issues that are not being addressed, and over time, this can lead to toxicity and or separation. If you feel that this might be the case for you, I encourage you to carry out a thorough analysis of what is going on beneath the surface here. As I said, we are here to help and support you if you need, so please don’t hesitate to reach out.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to deal with stubborn love,